Saturday, February 19, 2005

Why

Something I know for sure is I would like to think about sex and drugs as something good, something that is just a part of me and everybody's life. I would like to feel happy, not guilty. I would like to share my experiences, not hide them, because I would love to remember without feeling alone, without feeling bad.

I think self pleasuring is a very important part of living. I know for sure it is in not a goal in life nor it is the best part of all, but it is a way to know ourselves, our limits and to excercise freedom. It is also something we can share with others, like our friends or the people we love. When you feel pleasure you are happier, no doubt about it. But it is necessary to keeo your mind clean, your vision clear. To be tue to yourself while you are doing it.

I think the most important reason for a person to act this way, to look for something they enjoy is because they want to feel good, to be happy, to fulfill something they need. It is in the end a psycological need, it is a part of being us.

Saturday, February 05, 2005

Thinking about it

The way I entered the world of private pleasure was not the best. I wasn' t ready at all, it was almost an accident. I was just a kid discovering how his body reacted to certain stimulus and suddenly something unexpected happened. I can tell exactly the same story for the way I was drunk for the first time. Those two days I felt guilty and sad because I thought I had something really bad and dangerous, something that would make a difference in my life. Now, when I think about it I realize how wrong I was. For me it was because of my parents attitude with these subjects that I was not prepared for the experience, but it can not be true. I think very few people is prepared.

It is not easy to understand why people do things like this when it makes them feel bad. Like the first and only time I got home in a dangerous state of drunkenness. My whole family reacted as if it was the worst thing in life, they tried to talk with me, they shouted and finally, the next
day, my parents made me promise I would never do it again. And I didn't do it for a whole year. Then I decided I would do all the things I liked, because if I didn't I would find myself very depressed in the future. It was hard for me to reach that conclusion, first I wanted to be the best I could, to be the perfect example of a hard working man and son. But how much does one thing have to do with the other? Maybe I was too young then, now I just want to be myself. It is not an easy task.

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Free yourself

It all began a month ago or so. While searching for some good porn I found a picture that really had a strange effect on me: it turned me on the way nothing else has ever done. I don't think I am a pervert or something, I just masturbate several times a week and like sex. I imagine myself having intercourse, kissing, licking, touching. My fantasies are constant, as I know they are for anybody my age.
Anyway, that image I was first talking about (which, by the way, I used for my porpuses several times with more than satisfactory results) made me think about myself, about my life. Not only my life as somebody who masturbates, but my life as a whole. I mean, I could spend half my life just going on, going nowhere and having all these thoughts enclosed in my head. My parents never talked with me about sex or drugs. They just let it all happen. I don't' mean they are responsible for nothing, but talking with me would have helped me to feel free.
Who am I? I'm just a normal guy, and I think you might have a problem believing me. It's OK for me, it's not my problem. But I imagine you might wonder who I am, and what's the purpose of this blog. Well, first I don't think anybody cares really about me, my identity. Second, in this blog I want to share my thoughts, my experiences with the sweet and confusing act of self-pleasuring.