Empowered
Drinking is dangerous and selfish, that is the truth about alcoholism. As such, I understand the worries of my parents regarding my habits and tastes. They just want me to be a good man. But there is a reason I like to drink, as I see for many people it is just because they like, they like the felling of being slightly “happier”, of being slightly drunk. Others like to let themselves loose and wild and then regret it in the morning. When hangover strikes nobody seems to like it anymore. I might not like it either, but it is not as negative for me.
When I drink a lot one night, inside certain limits, I almost feel normal the next day and the thing I like very much about it is that I feel renewed, as if my whole energy had been drained, as if I had been on the verge of dying a very sweet, tender death and everything else in my life but my true priorities were put into a second plane. As if everything fell into its right place and there was nothing else to worry besides being what I truly am.
Somehow that feeling, that moment of peace makes me stronger because I can hear my parents scolding me for what they believe is becoming an addiction, but I hear them in the distance. I don’t say a thing, I keep it to myself, but I can stand it because inside me, I am in peace, everything is quiet and calm. It’s almost as dreaming.
And that peace that comes after the drained energy reminds me of my limits, the things I can overcome and the things I can’t. I feel small and safe as I am, but full of possibilities, with all the time in the world at my disposal. Ready to accept whatever life brings upon me. Ready to think and decide and wait, to take a moment of peace for me, to avoid vain hurries and worries. Because I am not going anywhere.
Sometimes I am slightly dizzy and can not think quickly. But I like it. It gives me what I need to continue living. Sometimes that is just a moment of private peace.
When I drink a lot one night, inside certain limits, I almost feel normal the next day and the thing I like very much about it is that I feel renewed, as if my whole energy had been drained, as if I had been on the verge of dying a very sweet, tender death and everything else in my life but my true priorities were put into a second plane. As if everything fell into its right place and there was nothing else to worry besides being what I truly am.
Somehow that feeling, that moment of peace makes me stronger because I can hear my parents scolding me for what they believe is becoming an addiction, but I hear them in the distance. I don’t say a thing, I keep it to myself, but I can stand it because inside me, I am in peace, everything is quiet and calm. It’s almost as dreaming.
And that peace that comes after the drained energy reminds me of my limits, the things I can overcome and the things I can’t. I feel small and safe as I am, but full of possibilities, with all the time in the world at my disposal. Ready to accept whatever life brings upon me. Ready to think and decide and wait, to take a moment of peace for me, to avoid vain hurries and worries. Because I am not going anywhere.
Sometimes I am slightly dizzy and can not think quickly. But I like it. It gives me what I need to continue living. Sometimes that is just a moment of private peace.
posted by Eagle at 8:04 PM
1 Comments:
man i have read all of your posts.
its really good for me and i can tell you, i can relize what you say cause i feel this moods.
im not a alcoholism or drugs addict, but i feel something in my mind and its seem like insanity or depression. its like....icant say what its like, its not easy to explain my senses.
keep writing man...you write very senseful
my name is milad, 20 years from iran
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